Ask Rita
Q: Friends say, "Mary Jane, let us know if you need any help." Still, I feel strange asking for what I really need—an afternoon off or help grocery shopping. How can I ask for those things?
A: First, realize your friends want to help. The next time someone says, "Please call if there's anything I can do," have your answer ready! You might say, "There is something you could do that would help me a lot. Can you pick up a few items for me when you go to the store this week?" Or "Would you be free to stop by and keep Tom company for an hour on Tuesday? I could really use a haircut!" Don't feel guilty about accepting help from others for a while. Someday the tables will turn. When they do, you'll know just how to give others the help that they need.
Q: I get so tired of hearing "Joe, take care of yourself." How can I take the time for me when my Jenny needs my attention all of the time? I can't afford help.
A: Most towns have volunteer groups that can offer you some free breaks. Call your local senior center or agency on aging for a list of groups who can help. When friends, family members, and neighbors ask if they can help, say "Yes"! Accept a friend's offer to visit with your wife for an hour or two. Then take a walk, a nap, or read the paper. For a small fee, get Meals on Wheels to deliver food. You deserve it!
Q: My mother recently got out of the hospital for the fourth time this year and still has many doctor appointments. Taking care of my mom is a full-time job and I work part-time and have my own kids. Then there's keeping up her house, the bills, and everything else. Sometimes I get so tired I just want to cry. I don't want mom to know how hard this is for me, but I'd like to tell someone.
A: It sounds as though the stress of taking care of a loved one is getting hard for you. Be easy on yourself. The stress you feel is real and your feelings are normal. Many caregivers report they feel overwhelmed at times. Talking things out with your doctor, clergy person, or a counselor is a good step toward taking care of the stress. You'll be able to care for your mom when you feel refreshed. Pick up the phone today!
Q: My wife has health problems and I have been taking care of her. Lately I've had some health problems, too, and I can't get around like I used to. I don't want to be a burden to my son and his wife, but I need help. Do you have any ideas?
A: Talk to your son. Let him know how hard it is for you to ask for more support. He may not know that your health is changing and you could use some help now and then. Be clear about the kinds of things he might do. He could call you more often or take on a few jobs around the house when he comes to visit. He might mow your lawn or do some shopping for you. Right now he may not know what you need. Telling him will help him to help you.
Next: Quick Breaks
